i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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