So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
