I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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