is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
