We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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