dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
