I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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