Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize