these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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