i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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