so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
