More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
