found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
