when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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