Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
