thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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