His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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