He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
COCAINE IS GR8
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
