You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
