im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
