i just wanna soil my oats bro
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
