I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish you could order shots online.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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