My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
