So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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