when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
