I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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