My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
