I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
