You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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