Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
