mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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