Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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