i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
