yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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