I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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