Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
