exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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