Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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