Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
