I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You ruined the universe
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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