How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
