Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
