so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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