I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
