he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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