she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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