I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
