I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I party with great urgency now.
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