strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
