I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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