He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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