Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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