why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
