Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
