I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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