woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
